Debra Galant Explains the Universe: Debbie goes to the hospital

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Debbie goes to the hospital

me_getting_iv Regular readers of this blog may have noticed a lack of new posts over the past several days. That's because I was in the hospital, and they don't give you high-speed internet access (or any other kind of internet access) when you're in the hospital.

To be fair, when I went in, around 6:30 a.m. Monday morning, the last thing I was thinking about was the internet. I had what is called, in polite circles, a bowel obstruction, but which is, in real life, a screaming, writhing, abdominal hell. I put off calling a doctor or going to the hospital for as long as possible (that is, all night long) for fear of the dread naso-gastric tube, which is part of the solution to the screaming, writhing, abdominal hell I describe above, but which is almost as bad as the disease. (Squeamish readers need not click on links.) Anyway, by about 6 a.m., I lost the fight, and by 6:30 a.m., we'd woken the children, told them to get to school on their own (Child Number One took the opportunity to take the day off) and departed via private automobile for Mountainside Hospital.

Once there, more medical horrors were in store, although I must say, even the security guard was sufficiently attuned to my distress (pain of 11 on a scale of 1 to 10) to whisk me past triage right into Exam 2. But before the doc could get there, I began to hyperventilate, and believe me, if this ever happens to you, you will never use the word metaphorically again. My body started tingling all over, my legs cramped horribly and my hands froze into rigid objects resembling tree limbs. That's when I thought I was in shock and was going to die and began bellowing for the doctor.

This is where the story begins to lurch toward its happy ending. The ER doc just then was a dad I knew from around town, and it was very reassuring to be treated by someone I'd seen outside the elementary school and at Cub Scout haunted houses. The nurse hooked up an IV, they shot me full of thousands of cc's of the best painkiller money can buy (note to self: call the insurance company), and then more painkiller and finally some kind of sedative and then they started filling me with IV antibiotics too. This was all a recurrence of Crohn's Disease, which I was diagnosed with almost 20 years ago, and the reason why I knew a bowel obstruction when I was bent over the toilet bowel trying to toss my cookies and anything else that was blocking the pipes. So I wasn't too surprised to be admitted to the hospital from the ER. I was relieved, though, that the recurrence seemed local to the site of my old surgery, rather than involving my entire intestines, nor did they need to put me on steroids, nor did the pain recur once the painkillers wore off. The nursing staff, by the way, was uniformly wonderful and I had the luck to score a Bloomfield librarian named Carol as a roommate, which led to a high-level of bed-to-bed discourse during my stay.

The rest of my stay was a non-stop quest for internet access, in which, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I kept asking every nurse, orderly and technician in sight how I could get hooked up to the internet. (Most of them looked at me as if I'd asked if I might visit the moon during my stay.) News spread pretty quickly of my hospitalization and my visitors were many: in addition to Warren, Margot and Noah, I was visited by Carl, Renee (a new friend this year who is also the administrator of the hospital), Liza, Lori and Sue. And there were phone calls from the multitudes, including, remarkably, my brother Mark, who usually has people (i.e., his lovely wife Cindy) for errands like this. (Mark's company, by the way, is giving away a free Mini Cooper, something I might not have learned if I hadn't gone into the hospital.) Another call came from Tom of The Media Drop, who noticed my absence from the internet.
hospital_phone

Lori, my official photographer, took the picture of me above, getting a new IV line put in by a novice. (I agreed to it. After all, they have to practice on somebody. But after the needle bent on the first try, the IV pro took over.) By the way, I don't really have a double or triple chin, as the picture suggests. I'm sure Sal Val Gal can confirm, it's a bad angle.

The picture on my left shows my only means of communication during this ordeal, and although it does say "data port" on the side in big black bold letters, indicating that a dial-up internet access was possible, I don't even know how to connect to the internet without high-speed. The closest I got to the internet was reading about it in The New York Times special wireless section yesterday.

Well, that's about all, except for the Low-Residue Diet I was put on. This is basically the opposite of all the nutritional wisdom we've all learned the past 10 years. To wit: Vegetables (limit to 2 servings per day) Breads (choose enriched white bread and toast. Avoid whole wheat, cracked wheat, etc.). I can have all the eggs I want, all the desserts (as long as they don't contain coconut) and any fats I desire. Are they kidding? I feel like Alice in Wonderland. Well, I guess I better go out and get some Key Lime Pie for lunch, or something.

May 05, 2004 | Permalink

Comments

Enough about you, tell me more about the Mini Cooper give-away... ;)

Posted by: The Prop | May 05, 2004 at 12:03 PM

Hope you're feeling better, ran into Margot and she told me the news. Stomach issues are NO FUN, but maybe the painkillers make up for the HELL?

Posted by: danielle | May 05, 2004 at 01:09 PM

I only stay in places that have wi-fi, so hospital visits are not in my near future.

Glad to hear you are back and feeling better. Save the leftover painkillers for a special occassion.

Posted by: roxanne | May 05, 2004 at 01:13 PM

I wondered about your absence from Bloggerville. Good to have you back! (Double or triple chins or NOT!) :o)

Posted by: Kingfisher Cove | May 05, 2004 at 01:24 PM

Glad to hear you're back home. I had thought about posting last night after speaking with you, but figured I'd leave it to you to tell the story rather than get folks all freaked out!

Hope you're well - oh, and btw, Key Lime Pie sometimes has coconut put on top of the merengue. Just a thought. Feel better!

Posted by: Tom | May 05, 2004 at 01:29 PM

I wish I had a good excuse like yours for my lack of posts over the past week. ;)

Anyway, I'm sorry you've been ill. Hope you're up and about again soon.

Posted by: D2 | May 05, 2004 at 02:11 PM

Also, does that mean you'll have to have egg salad on white at the NY Blogger Nosh?

Posted by: roxanne | May 05, 2004 at 02:51 PM

Even in my hurried blogsurfing, I noticed that the "Universe" was unusually quiet. Now it all makes sense. I hope you're doing much better and hope you never have to suffer that kind of pain again -- especially without access to highspeed internet. Thanks for providing visuals of your stay. I'm sure you're husband is beginning to wonder if anything is off limits on this blog (LOL).

Posted by: Lizbeth | May 05, 2004 at 03:19 PM

Good to see you back in action! Your Low-residue Diet sounds like the perfect opportunity to eat as many Pop-Tarts as you want! You lucky dog.

Posted by: Hez | May 05, 2004 at 04:54 PM

I realize you were like sick 'n stuff but you need to strike a better pose if you're going to wear one of those daring backless gowns. I have no choice now. I must break out the ouija board and report you to Mr. Blackwell.

Posted by: pops | May 05, 2004 at 05:10 PM

Ow, ow, ow, ow! Glad you're on the road to recovery. I'm guessing the grin is AFTER you got the drugs. Hmm. Is there such a thing as low-residue coffee?

Posted by: ellie | May 05, 2004 at 06:28 PM

Ow, ow, ow, ow! Glad you're on the road to recovery. I'm guessing the grin is AFTER you got the drugs. Hmm. Is there such a thing as low-residue coffee?

Posted by: ellie | May 05, 2004 at 06:31 PM

OH my GoD! Dramatic! I'm glad you're okay! Whew!

The nerve of them not to have WiFi available. How are people supposed to get better?

Posted by: Jo | May 05, 2004 at 08:46 PM

Glad to hear you're rewired and on the mend. Take care!

Posted by: Eileen | May 05, 2004 at 09:55 PM

Wow - so sorry to hear of your pain. It's good you can laugh about it :) Next time check yourself into a West Coast hospital - my husband and I have always been able to get internet access when I've been hospitalized (for the births of our children in CA and WA). My kids would love your diet - they'd get to live off of all the Chinese egg custard (dan tat) they want... sounds yummy! Take care...

Posted by: Julie | May 06, 2004 at 02:54 AM

Migawd Debbie, thank goodness the lovely photo Lori took of you while you were in the hospital makes up in some way for all of the related distress you underwent during the whole unfortunate Crohn's event. Good to have you back.

Posted by: Raymond Tomlin | May 06, 2004 at 03:32 AM

The Midnight Disease! That is no book to be reading in the hospital. But I see you found a good use for it: phone prop! Glad to see you are home, Debra.

Posted by: Scott Brodeur | May 06, 2004 at 09:23 AM

After years and years of listening to patients regale me with the details of their bowel situations, I have drawn the line and no longer participate in any discussion about bowels but in your case, I'll make an exception.

Sorry to hear that you have expert knowledge in this area. You can only get that one way - lots of experience.
Glad to hear that the nurses weren't the worst part of things.
Sorry that you were gone from the scene for such a crummy reason.
Glad to hear that no major interventions were necessary.

Posted by: Suzette | May 06, 2004 at 09:38 AM

Hi Debra -- so glad to hear you came out of that nightmare okay... it all sounds harrowing. Oh, and I love the La Strada pic. m

Posted by: mary hodder | May 07, 2004 at 02:29 AM

Glad you are on the mend - sorry you had to go through all that pain. Loved the smile in the hospital photo - must have been some really good drugs!

Posted by: Mary Meyer | May 08, 2004 at 09:51 AM

Hi Debbie,
I was just browsing the web and came across your Crohn’s blog (yes, it still does seem weird prying into other people’s personal lives!). I just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading it. Sorry to see that it’s been a bad time Crohn’s-wise for you.

I don’t want it to sound like a sales-pitch, but I am hoping to get more input from individuals who are dealing with from Crohn’s Disease on my non-commercial website called RemedyFind. I’ve had CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) for about 20 years or so and am now at about 80% of the elusive “normal” after a relapse in 1994. A couple of years ago I decided to start a website where CFS patients could rate the effectiveness of the treatments they have tried. The idea being that over time the most effective meds, supplements and other therapies might make themselves apparent. Hard to say if we’ll ever reach that goal, but the site has since grown to cover a number of other health conditions (including Crohn’s), and users do seem to like seeing all the various treatment options that are available, and reading other people’s experiences.

Anyway, if at any time you do feel like doing ratings of some of the Crohn’s treatments you have tried – good, bad and ugly – it would be great. Here is the page for the Crohn’s section -
http://www.remedyfind.com/hc-Crohns.asp
(click on “All Remedies” to see the full list of treatments)

All the best, Brett Hodges

Posted by: Brett Hodges | May 30, 2004 at 07:40 PM

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Posted by: Valery | May 30, 2005 at 06:07 AM