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Mars? What's the big deal?

© Debra Galant 2004

Having promised to explain the universe, it is high time I got to the subject of Mars. There was lots of news about Mars this week, although most of it was overblown.

1. The Spirit, NASA’s first rover to land on Mars, was out of touch.

So? NASA should meet my husband. There are times, particularly when dinner is ready and he’s not home from work yet, when my husband cannot be found. Is this a national emergency? You know, NASA, you’ll never hold onto a rover if you hound it morning, noon and night for data about its whereabouts. Sometimes guys just need a little bit of space. Or, you know, they can’t find a cell to call home on.

2. The Mars Express found water on Mars, in the form of ice.

So? There’s water everywhere, especially places it’s not supposed to be. I spilled half a bottle of water on the car seat today after coming home from the gym. It made a huge mess. We have a leaky gutter that drips so loud when it rains that it’s almost impossible to hear the television. The front steps are coated with ice. Here on earth, this is considered a nuisance.

3. President Bush wants to send astronauts to the moon, and then to Mars. This will cost gazillions of dollars.

So? I want to send my kids to sleep-away camp, and then to college. This will also cost gazillions of dollars. Now, if President Bush offered to send my children to Mars…

4. A second NASA rover, the Opportunity, had a flawless landing on Mars Sunday and sent back mind-blowing pictures to the scientists at home.

So? Show me a second child anywhere that doesn’t outshine their older sibling.

And by the way, Houston, do you think it’s such a great idea to send two siblings off on their own to a distant planet, while you stay at home and watch on the nanny-cam? You know what kind of trouble Spirit can get into. Just wait ‘til he gets wind of all the attention that your precious little Opportunity is getting.



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January 26, 2004 in Satire |

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